Almost a Sherlock-story

I almost died.. in anticipation of something suspense. I just encountered a convicted man, and thinking about it now, makes me feel like in some kind of a thriller series. Different scenarios were playing inside my head that time, e.g newsflash: 6 dead on a robbery-holdup inside UV express vehicle. This is what I get from watching too much murder stories.

It was past 10 a.m, I rode a UV express going to Buendia because I was bound to go home for the weekend. The car was jam-packed, and the ac was in low-temp, which is not a very good combination, I must say. As we arrived at Pedro Gil, a loud man was heard answering a phone call. We were only about 7 passengers remaining that time, I was sitting on the third row, beside the window. The traffic light signaled red, I stared at the leaves dancing to the rhythm of the wind as the rays of the sun radiated on my arm. Suddenly, the following lines from the back seat could be heard –

“Ano pre, nandiyan pa ba yung mga pulis?”

“Ang lakas ng loob niyang isumbong ako, pasalamat siya hindi ko siya binaril.”

“Pag nagkita talaga kami, kahit saan, babarilin ko yan.” 

“T***i** niya, kahit dito nanggigil ako eh.”

The conversation continued for about five minutes. I remained still, never intending to do any move that might trigger his rage and emotions more. Apparently, the police was looking for him for a case I’m not sure thereof. My speculation was that he was trying to get away from it, that’s why he’s headed to Buendia – where all the bus terminals are.  The driver kept looking on his rear-view mirror, but I never dared look behind. I was afraid he’d see me. And it’s weird, like something was telling me not to do so, like a premonition.

I hugged my bag tight, because the robbery-holdup could happen anytime soon. Imagine, he was alone, trying to get away and probably hid somewhere far. What would he need the most? Money. And it’s not going to be hard for him, because he has a gun, and that’s for certain.

But it didn’t happen. All of the assumptions inside my head vanished the moment I stepped out of the public vehicle. I was overthinking again, I sighed.


First day

It would’ve been easier for me to back down, just like the last time. The stakes are high and the sooner I prolong it, the closer I get to the brink of death. The only difference is that, this time, I’ve decided to finally face it. Not because I want to, but because the universe conspire for us to meet… again.

He really made a good impression with his mere conceitedness (and credentials, apparently). His mouth drew out words of nothing but self-appraisal and mastery of everything you wish you knew. And soon as he sits upon his throne, you can only wish for an unwavering bravery even if it’s just a so-so act. Because weakness has no room for him – a curse for someone who can easily be faltered by words and criticisms, which is unfortunately me.

These are the times when I wish I was braver as Arya Stark or smarter as Hermione. But I can only wish but never be.

Kodaline blues

Kodaline is going to Manila and I don’t know what’s more heart-shattering news than that. Yes, I was hoping for it (God knows I am) but I wish it wasn’t this early; not when I still don’t have my own money to gratify all of my whims.

Like bruh, hindi pa nga ako nakaka move-on sa Paramore at The Script!

Now that they are in line for Wanderland Festival next year, for sure more people would know them and their music. And I kind of hate it..

Do you know the feeling when you want to keep something good just for yourself, that you don’t want people to find out about it? I was always like that. I am selfish of something that I grew to love. But then again, I know I can’t be possessive of something I do not own. Eventually, they’ll be big and all I can do is be more proud.

They were my best kept secret for three years now.. and this is really frustrating, I want to see them so bad. Imagine seeing the whole band on the center stage, serenading you L I V E. And you’ll think it’s a dream when it’s not. You’ve been waiting your whole life for this and finally.. Steve Garrigan himself, singing the songs which used to be your lullaby.

Oh, I could only imagine..

Dear future partner, I hope you listen to Kodaline (and Sleeping At Last). #para-paraan





Bad Genius-movie-kind-of-night.

One spontaneous date night with one of my best friends in high school got me thinking how time has a funny way of making us realize that all the things we’ve been worrying about were just passing through, and soon will be just a memory. But isn’t it wondrous how a remnant of the past makes you remember that old self you were trying to get rid of? Because I find it ridiculous, somehow. I realize that no matter how far I ran away from the things that makes me want to forget how stupid and selfish of a person I was, there will always be someone or something which will make me remember.

Anyway, guess what happened later that night? Mama was calling me for several times and I had to patch up an excuse because neither of us wants to go home just yet. And the result? Naabutan ako ng curfew sa subdivision!

Yeah, not so genius at all.



It was past 9 pm and I’m just glad that KFC’s not crowded than what it has always been during weekdays.

In front of me was a man, probably on his late 20’s, all dressed-up with a guitar strapped on his back. I’m guessing he was also from the last service I just attended to in Victory; a musician perhaps.

The queue didn’t took so long, but it took him a minute (or so) to decide, until he looked behind and told me “sige, ikaw na muna”, looking embarrassed as he went to the side. (Hey I forgot to say my thanks!!!!)

I was staring at him the whole time I was waiting for my food to be served on my seat. And there he was, still so undecided, still standing at the back of the lane.

And it dawned to me…

Everyday we make life choices – from the food to eat, transport vehicle to ride on, people to talk to, clothes to wear, letter to encircle on test papers, relationships to commit and break… even living is a choice.

We are surrounded with multiple alternatives which gets us confused and uncertain of preferences to make. It is a natural tendency of human tho, to be indecisive. You see, we won’t ever be a hundred percent sure of everything in this world, but God was so sure about us.

“Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain: that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you.” (John 15:16)

Today, I choose to rise from the pit I’ve created myself. I choose not to be stucked from the bubble of regrets and pessimism that’s all in my mind. I choose to live my life, with Him at the center of it.

From this day forth, I choose to forgive myself and believe that everyday is a chance to start anew.

I stood up after having my take-home-food served on me. For the last time, I glanced at the man who’s still on queue. I hope he can finally make up his choices too.


Cold hands, tongue-tied

Body of dead with a beating heart, surrounded with hung clothes from the window sill. The streets were unusually quiet and the temperature’s down to 20. Sarah McLachlan’s songs were on repeat, tormenting me relentlessly. It goes with –

“It’s funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word

We are screaming inside but we can’t be heard.”

I glanced at the mirror behind me, looking like an actual mess straight from laundry. My mind’s hay-wired with thoughts again, I can’t control.

I wonder if it goes like this forever, and I’ll just end up getting used to it. Will the beasts stay inside us, or we just have to wait until they got tired and found another haven?

I can still hear Sarah’s voice in the background, with a melody slow and bewitching –

“Don’t let your life pass you by,

weep not for the memories.”



I was having a casual conversation with an acquaintance when she called me out and told me I was dangerous.

The lights were already switched on, lighting the whole area of pavilion, that I can vividly see how her eyes fixated on me, trying to get a hold of how I would’ve reacted but to no avail. I munched my chips still, holding my phone in one hand, trying to compose a message I would never send. In between glances, I finally told her I’m not.

And for a moment, I thought, we are all terrified for something we can never understand. We spend our time figuring what ought to be and what would have been.

I stared at the students passing by, making their way out of school, straight to gate 3. I stood up and urge my companion to go home. I find no use of wholly opening up to someone I barely even know.

Or that’s what I really am, all this time. My walls were too high for someone to climb upon. Trusting someone is a gamble; it would take a life for me to risk.